No more Irish car bombs ever.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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