I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
