I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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