I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
