Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
