hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
