i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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