hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
