Having a random hookup so left but love u
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
