we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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