So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
