i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
