I just made out with a guy for $7.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
