I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
