Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
