Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
