oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
