I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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