she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
