I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
