Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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