oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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