Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
we're so committed to being not committed
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
