I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
