i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
