Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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