Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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