My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
