I hate all girls vehemently.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
