HIV tests are more positive than that guy
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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