I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
