It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
