Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
