I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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