dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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