What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Please, let me fuck your mom
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
