You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
