you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
