this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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