Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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