just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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