You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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