you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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