I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
