Sry I called you an 8
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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