Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
