Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
