The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
