What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
