Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
