I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
