I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
