We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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