Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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