you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
