Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
