So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
