We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
