someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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