The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
