I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
