I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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