Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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