My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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