U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
