So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
