dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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