So drunk its hurt
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
