question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
