on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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