No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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