Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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