Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
