Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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