I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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