how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize