She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
